Another thing that is really strange about this listening thing is that if you listen to people, they will tell you the weirdest bloody things so fast you just cannot believe it. So if you're having a conversation with someone and you think it's dull, you're stupid, that's why. You're not listening to them properly, because they're weird. They're wombats, rhinoceros, albatrosses or something, they're strange creatures. And so, if you were actually communicating with them and they were telling you how weird they really are it would be anything but boring.
And you can ask questions, thats a really good way of listening. But one of Rogers points is that you have to be oriented properly in order to listen, and the orientation has to be: Look, what I want out of this conversation is that the place we both end up after this is better than the place we both left. Thats it. Thats what I'm after. And if you're not after that, you gotta think why the hell wouldn't you be after that. What could you possibly be after that could be better than that? You walk away smarter and more well equipped for the world than you were before you had this conversation and so does the other person.
The next time you get into an argument with your wife, or your friend, or with a small group of friends, just stop the discussion for a moment and for an experiment, institute this rule.
"Each person can speak up for himself only after he has first restated the ideas and feelings of the previous speaker accurately, and to that speaker's satisfaction."
It would simply mean that before presenting your own point of view, it would be necessary for you to really achieve the other speaker's frame of reference - to understand his thoughts and feelings so well that you could summarize them for him.
Sounds simple, doesn't it? But if you try it you will discover it is one of the most difficult things you have ever tried to do.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWuwYy1Pp0c